Wednesday, September 7, 2011
THE MASK COLLECTOR (a serial novel) chapter four
IN THIS TWILIGHT
The Mask Collector
Chapter Four
Saturday June 7th 2003
Darren lay in the darkness listening to Marnie’s gentle snoring and cursing himself.
What have I done?
On Wednesday he’d found the nerve to chat up that pretty nursing student he’d been drooling over for months. She told him her name was Leiko. All it had taken Darren to win Leiko’s phone number and a date for Friday night was a few sly smiles and an expensive latte. Darren had spent the next two days preparing. He’d bought a new shirt, new cologne and fresh condoms. He spent hours mentally rehearsing and preparing for the conversations they might have.
When Friday came and he met her at the restaurant he never got a chance to make use of any of his prepared seductions. All she did was talk about herself for two hours only pausing in the conversation long enough to order and hardly eat the most expensive thing on the menu. She even took a pair of cell phone calls during the date and made plans for the rest of her evening.
Needless to say, after the date was over Darren got good and drunk and stayed that way. By Saturday afternoon he was feeling woozy, sick to his stomach and miserable.
Before dusk he was blubbering on the phone to Marnie and of course she rushed right over. Marnie made him take a hot shower to clear his head. When Darren left the bathroom he caught a whiff of her cooking, somehow she had managed to put together a kind of goulash out of his Ramon Noodles and leftovers. They ate and talked, mostly about the lack of success they were having in the dating scene.
They went to bed and Darren found comfort in the old rituals of their lovemaking, even though he couldn’t help but notice she’d put on weight again. He almost lost his excitement at the realization but when he closed his eyes and imagined Leiko he found it again.
But that was hours ago and now he was disgusted with himself. One bad date and he had crawled back into Marnie’s arms?
How did she do it to me? How did she get me to cave in like that? He glanced over at her, She’s just like her food, not healthy, not particularly good for me. Just easy and comforting.
The murmuring started again, sibilant and gurgling. Darren closed his eyes and tried to make out the words but Marnie’s snores made it impossible to understand out more than the occasional syllable.
Glaring at her in the dark, Darren kicked off the sheets and walked over to the wall, it was cool to the touch, cooler than the rest of the room. He put his ear to it and shivered.
There was a sound like a windstorm, constant and shifting. The voice was faint, “…ancient …their kind …Beings from Outside”
“… Ahtu… infinity… gods… served…”
The voice, Darren realized, sounded nothing like Chad. He wondered if he was hearing Crazy Agnes through some trick of the acoustics.
What am I doing here? Darren wondered, What am I trying to prove by living in this dump?
“Baby?” Marnie’s voice was slurred with sleep, “What’s the matter? Come back to bed.”
A realization settled on him, a realization that this was his last chance to put everything back the way it was before. Darren pulled his ear from the wall and rested his back against the cool plaster surface, “This was a mistake.”
“What?” Marnie’s voice was a yelp.
“You need to get dressed and go. Now.” Darren stared down at his bare feet, his hands clutched over his heart.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
(Insane News) The World's Slowest Concert Completes 10th Year, Only 629 Years Left To Go
Late avant-garde American composer John Cage’s “Organ2/ASLSP As Slow aS Possible” was started on Sept. 5 2001 at a mediaeval church in the German town of Halberstadt. It is scheduled to last 639 years in total, finally ending in 2640...
Monday, September 5, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride part ten
Price Breaks And Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter Seven
Al And Tallulah’s Wild Ride
part ten
It was Kevin, his newest girlfriend Sarah, who was the best friend of Alice the girl he had been going out with. Now Sarah had been going out with Corey but now Corey was going out with Alice. This wasn’t the first time they had switched off like this. It was a like the pair of them were some kind of a herpes brewery. Ida was there and he and I were soon trading friendly insults, Ida’s brother Marv was there too in his leopard print Speedos, his girlfriend was with him.
Tallulah and I were near the deep end of the pool, rough housing and talking. She asked me, “Why isn’t Joanna wearing a bathing suit?”
“Maybe she’s self conscious.” I shot her a baleful glance, “I wish she’d just stayed home.”
“Why?”
I tried to shrug while treading water but it didn’t really work out, “She just bugs me. I don’t know why.”
Tallulah swam closer to me and whispered, “She still can’t take her eyes off you.”
“You’re all the girl I need.” I pulled her against me.
“What is that?”
I grinned, “It’s my water wing.”
There will be a brief pause so you can all be sick.
There.
After a while Tallulah swam over to where the girls were sitting on the pool steps and talking, I managed to reach the guys by doing a cross-legged dog paddler.
"You all right Al?" Corey asked.
"Never better." I croaked.
Marv said, "We want to get a volleyball game going here. Ida's setting up the net.
Kevin said, "Yeah its gonna be guys on girls-"
"Oh yeah... heh heh heh..."
"Marv," I said, "never brush against me again when your laughing like that again."
"So anyway," Corey said, "it is guys versus girls but Joanna isn't gonna play because she didn't want to swim today."
"A girl thing." Marv said, "If you know what I mean."
"For the love of God Marv..." I said, "Wait...won't that leave us with an advantage?"
"Nah." Ida said, "You'll just have you play on the girl's side."
"What the Hell are you insinuating?"
"You're the one wearing a pale pink bathing suit."
"It was red." I said icily,"It faded."
Marv laughed so hard he swallowed a mouthful of water, "Sure buddy.."
"Look I'm not the one wearing a suit so tight we can see his circumcision scars!" My shout faded when I realized everyone was giving me that look again, "...not that I was noticed."
The volleyball game started normally but it soon ended up being multiple ball dodge ball with a net in the way. The game got more and more brutal until the girls fled the pool to the relative safety of the deck. Ida and I climbed out of the pool started running around the edge of the pool grabbing beach balls and volleyballs to throw at each other. Neither of us were very good shots and I started taunting him with my William Shatner impression.
A ball zipped past my ear and crashed into a picnic table sending plasticware flying in all directions. I shouted to him, “Like a poor marksman you-keep-missing- the target!”
“For a fat guy you move pretty fast!” Ida said.
“CANNONBALL!” Marv ran off the end of the diving board and curled into a ball. It made his bathing suit ride up in all the wrong ways.
Water splashed everywhere and drenched Joanna, she had been coxed into manning the barbecue grill and was now suffering for it. I took a moment to look at her as I ran to the other side of the pool, laughing at the fact bathing suit or not she had gotten soaking wet anyway. Her dark eyes were flashing with mock anger, the locks of her wet hair clung to the sides of her face and the moisture had made her tank top almost transparent. I was so transfixed by the sight of her nipples thrusting up against the translucent fabric that I didn’t see that lawn chair.
I went down on the ground chin first and hard.
My front tooth cracked in half, not straight of course, it was a ragged fang like edge. There was a moment when I was too stunned to feel anything and then the cold air hit the exposed nerve of my tooth.
“Oh my God Al!” Joanna shouted, “Are you Ok?”
My eyes were watering but I managed to say, “I think I just had an out of body experience.”
Tallulah and Joanna were at my side to make sure I was all right, Ida was apologizing, Kevin was on the line to his parent’s lawyer and Marv was too busy trying to fish his Speedo out of the filter to notice anything.
*
It was a Sunday but a dentist had recently opened for business in Mohawk Mall and he kept Mall business hours so Tallulah drove me there as I tried to weep in the manliest manner possible. I was glad she was there, the only thing I hated more than needing medical care was having to go get it alone. It just makes he feel vulnerable, it always has.
The irony that I was at Mohawk Mall with my best girl was that this was the same mall where I had gotten my first kiss years ago.
And no I wasn’t practicing on the mannequins, it was with Lilly I will have you know.
It was another old ghost laid to rest, or so I thought.
Once my smile was repaired Tallulah and I went to our favorite parking spot. Just to cuddle this time but I was still because I my whole mouth was numb and I couldn’t stop drooling. Although Tallulah was pretty used to the drooling part.
“I wonder if they’ll ever find the other half of your tooth.” She said.
“I hobe he cubts hibs fob obn ibt.” I slobbered.
“That’s what you get for running and horseplay.” She nudged me with her elbow.
“Hobrsebplaby? Ib wabs ebstablibsibng mybseblf abs theb ablphab mable.”
She looked at me, even in the dark I could see her eyes were twinkling, “You know I love you right?”
“Meb toob.”
“You still want to marry me?”
“Gobd yebs. Youbr myb gibrl.” Spittle was flying everywhere like I was a defective lawn sprinkler, “Bubt Ib dobm’t knobw whabt web wibll dob.”
“I want to have your babies.” She said, “Lots of ‘em.”
“Ib libke theb soubnd obf thabt.”
(Insane News) "Size 8 model bullied for being too fat"
A SIZE eight teenage model said being bullied for being too fat on Australia's Next Top Model sent a dangerous message to vulnerable young viewers.
Alissandra Moone, 18, who at 57kg is considered underweight on the Australian body mass index, was "stunned" when her size became an issue on Foxtel's top-rating show.
Judge Alex Perry has openly criticized Moone's body, likening it to "overstuffed luggage", and the clash is set to reach a head on tonight's episode...
And hey lets take a look at what this so-called fat girl looks like shall we?
She's "overstuffed luggage"? Really? Is this what things have come to?
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
THE LOCAL HEROES: Apocalypse Jones And The Race Against Time - Chapter Two
Apocalypse Jones
And The Race Against Time
by
Al Bruno III
Chapter Two
Beneath The Planet Of The 70’s
“Peregrine?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
They were in a bunker deep beneath Megalopolis’ It had been designed to withstand a nuclear attack so keeping out the jackal-things and polyester-clad zombies was no trouble at all.
“Peregrine?” Annabelle Jones snorted, “Really?”
“Yeah well...” Sidney Tibbs shrugged, “Better than Hawkguy or Man-Bird or something like that.”
There were only forty people living here, a few civilians, a handful of soldiers, one superhero, one villain, a super scientist and a living legend.
Sidney was the super scientist, he had developed a jet suit for NASA but pulled all his research when he was pulled from the test flight in favor of a ‘less controversial’ choice.
And by that the brass meant they wanted someone that wasn’t black.
“I really thought I could make a difference,” Sidney said wistfully. He had motorcycle parts spread out across his workspace, he was trying to reassemble a Kawasaki Kz1000 motorcycle but was missing more than half the necessary parts, “Like ShadoMask or Amoeba-Man.”
“You don’t need to be a superhero to make a difference,” Annabelle said. She had finished inspecting and inventorying the munitions yesterday and was now cleaning and repairing the best of the lot. Colonel Rictus said they would need them soon, “But go on.”
Sidney groaned and shook his head before continuing, “The jet suit I made then was a lot nicer than the one I have now. I waited until dark before I took flight and it took me a while to find a crime in progress.”
“What kind of crime was it?”
Before he could answer her the sound of arguing filled the main room of the bunker. Frogman and Lady Indigo were arguing again, about ‘Plan Omega’ no doubt. Lady Indigo was dressed in shades of blue and violet, even her skin was that color. She was a powerful, megalomaniacal sorceress, a supervillain of the highest order but and she had promised Colonel Rictus she would help him save the world.
Then later on she would try to rule it.
Frogman had been the defender of Stone City, his costume was green, rubbery and topped with an elaborate helmet that looked like a frog’s head. For all his good deeds his career had been plagued by scandal, there were rumors he was romantically involved with his teenage sidekick and on two separate occasions he had been arrested for driving the Frogmobile while inebriated. Those scandals hadn’t dulled his popularity however, the citizens of Stone City loved him warts and all.
Annabelle found it funny that in the close quarters of the bunker the only thing the clashed more than those two’s color schemes was their personalities.
“It was an armored car robbery,” Sidney explained. He paused to examine a pair of spark plugs, one he threw away the other he kept, “It was tipped over and the guards had been thrown every which way. I had caught the thief red handed.”
“Who was it?” Annabelle asked.
“Crazy-Face.”
She looked up from the M16 she was cleaning, “You went after Crazy-Face?”
“He crushed my pelvis with his bare hands,” Sidney shook his head, “for a man with a lava lamp for a head he was surprisingly strong.”
“How did it happen?”
“He grabbed me out of the air and said ‘I don’t know who you are but I’m going to crush your pelvis.’”
Annabelle winced on his behalf, “And that was the end of your crime-fighting career?”
“I’m lucky that wasn’t the end of my life!” he laughed. “Just as well, Peregrine is a pretty bad name.”
“You should hear what the punks in the neighborhood used to call me-” Annabelle caught herself.
“Oh really?” He looked up from his work, “What did they call you?”
“It wasn't a superhero name,” Annabelle felt herself starting to blush, “it was just something they called me behind my back.”
“What was it?”
“You think I’m gonna tell you so you can call me it to my face?” she gave him a little wink and hoped that would be enough to shut him up about the whole subject.
“But-”
“Attention!” The sound of a bullhorn echoed through the bunker, “I need everyone to the monitor room. Even you Professor Tibbs.”
Soldiers and civilians alike started streaming into the main hallway. Frogman and Lady Indigo brought up the rear, still oblivious to everything but their argument.
“I am never going to finish my work at this rate!” Sidney had been trying to attach a quantum fusion generator to a carburetor.
“Come on...” Annabelle grabbed him by the arm, “...it might be important.”
The monitor room was just that, a room full of sensors and video monitors. In a time of war it would have been used to track enemy movements and plan strategy, now all but the largest of the screens were dark and those screens only showed readouts and video from Skylab. Annabelle and Sidney joined the gathering crowd.
At the other end of the room stood a living legend from World War II- Colonel Rictus.
That wasn’t his real name of course, his real name was classified. He had earned his nickname because his face was permanently stuck in a war-like snarl, a consequence of his being injected with the Commando Compound. The Allied forces had hoped to create a squad of soldiers that were invulnerable and immortal. The man that came to be known as Colonel Rictus was the only test subject that hadn’t been killed by explosive dysentery within twelve hours of receiving the injection.
“Settle down everyone,” he said. His voice was deep and wintery, “I have some important news. Plan Omega is being moved forward.”
“What?” Sidney shouted, “We’re not ready. We’re not even sure-”
“We don’t have time to be sure!” Rictus said, “The new readouts confirmed what we’ve already suspected. The Earth is in the process of turning itself inside out. We only have three weeks left before the end.”
