FULLY VESTED (a serial novel) chapter two

IN THIS TWILIGHT

Fully Vested

Chapter Two

By AL BRUNO III

First Day

Two weeks later Mike Carter found himself sitting in a wide room in the Trinity Advance Corporation’s regional headquarters with twelve other newly hired employees. He was still a little stunned to find himself here after what he thought was the worst job interview of his life but he wasn’t going to argue about it.

“First off I want to welcome you all to the team,” the woman in the front of the room wore her hair in an elegant tangle of loose curls, her suit was finely tailored, her ears and wrists twinkled with jewelry. She looked to Mike like something from the cover of a magazine about the rich and famous, “My name is Helen Ginnmett and I’m here to let you all know what you can expect in your first few weeks…”

Mike already knew what to expect, it was back to school time; orientation, training and evaluation. The real trick to things like this was to try and separate the procedures they taught you about from the procedures that you actually needed to use on a daily basis. There were no windows in the room but Mike knew that they were just a stones’ throw from Exit 9 on I-890.

The Trinity Advance Corporation’s regional headquarters was a rectangular complex of steel and glass tucked away in Schenectady, New York. The city government had used all kinds of tax incentives and veiled bribes to get Trinity Advance to settle within their borders. Schenectady had once been a thriving company town, growing and evolving in symbiosis with the General Electric factory near the heart of the city. The modern era had brought setbacks as jobs moved overseas and decay started to set in. Property values dwindled as businesses and families migrated away. Now Schenectady was a place you were either exiled to by circumstance, or a place you were desperate to escape from. The city fathers had hoped that Trinity Advance would change that but it turned out that with its proximity to the interstate few of the people the company had brought to the area actually lived or shopped within the city limits. Every morning they commuted in and every evening they sped home.

For Mike it was different, he had been living in Schenectady for years. His home was a cramped studio apartment that sometimes seemed more like a jail cell.

“Now most of you will be working in our Billing and Sales, but a few of you will also be working with our Human Resources department and the technical support workgroup. All of the next few weeks apply to you as well because all our data and records are accessed via our proprietary software system called SIGIL,” Helen Ginnmett walked from one end of the room to the other; she seemed to be trying to make eye contact with everyone. “It’s really easy so don’t worry. If my cubicle-mate Piers can figure it out, anyone can.”

I couldn’t imagine sharing a cubicle with her. Mike thought, I’d never get anything done. Might be fun though. She looks about half my age though. Then again, I think I may be the only forty year old in the room. I must be the token old fart.

“The doors automatically lock both ways, so you will each be issued an identity card with your picture. You swipe in on one of the card readers by the doors and swipe out again at the end of the day,” she explained, “you also need to use the cards to get into the part of the building you work in. That way we don’t have any of the maniacs from Executive Support harassing you guys.”

Executive support? Mike wondered if that was some new way of saying secretarial pool.

“So anyway, the long and short of it is, if you forget your card you’re not getting in. If you lose your card they’re fifty bucks to replace. Ok?” She looked around the room and gave an impish little grin, “Ok. Let’s get this party started.”

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(Insane News) Naked Man At Governor Dick Park

Link found via FARK.com

On Thursday, a man on a bike spotted a naked man running in Governor Dick Park in West Cornwall Township, Lebanon County.

A similar incident happened on Sunday afternoon in South Londonderry Township. Police said a man exposed himself to women along the Rails to Trails nature trail.

In Cumberland County on Friday, police said a naked jogger approached women at the Camp Hill Borough park...

Read more: http://www.wgal.com/news/28158192/detail.html#ixzz1Odgp7l55

Will SUPER HYBRID be the definitive blood drinking morphing breathing car on a rampage film?

 

 

Trailer found via the awesome blog CHUCK NORRIS ATE MY BABY

THE SECRET KNOTS is once again awesome

For the full sized version stop by the SECRET KNOTS. It's like the work of Ray Bradbury in comic form!

 

The Acrobatic Flea isn't just sharing a post about HEROCIL... he's also a client.

Thanks to HEROPRESS for this

 

Michael Bukowski just posted an imagine of a Lovecraftian squirrel... and I'd be NUTS not to tell you about it!

I'll take a Lovecraftian squirrel over a Human Centipede any day...

 

For more mythos madness be sure to stop by yog-blogsoth.blogspot.com!

Another great installment of THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERHERO GIRL

 

Click here to visit THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERHERO GIRL to see the full sized version

HEY LOOK BEHIND YOU wants you to watch the short film BITCH

Michael Bukowski's Illustrations of Lovecraft's Mythos are mind-bendingly awesome.

This is his version of HASTUR and I think it is awesome!

(Hastur is my favorite of the mythos)

Stop by www.yog-blogsoth.blogspot. to see Michael's art and tell him what you think!

HUMAN CENTEPEDE: FULL SEQUENCE banned in the UK

Via TWITCHFILM

 In the UK and awaiting your chance to see the sequel to Tom Six's cult hit The Human Centipede (First Sequence)? Well, unless the BBFC have a radical change of heart it aint going to happen. Not by legal means, anyway. Not ever. The British Board Of Film Classification have rejected the film outright, calling it "sexually violent and potentially obscene" in a way so pervasive that it cannot even be remedied by cuts. Though the filmmakers have six weeks to appeal, if the decision stands it means that the film cannot be sold legally within the UK. Here's the complete judgement, but be aware that it does contain spoilers...
 

Funny... I enjoyed the first HUMAN CENTEPDE but this one seems a little off putting, much like what I have read and scene of A SERBIAN FILM. I wonder if I am becoming more of a wussy in my old age, Yet oddly enough I have enjoyed the French horror films Frontier(S), Matyrs and Inside.

Go figure.

 

The trailer for FRIGHT NIGHT fills me with hope and anticipation

It looks like they're bringing a lot of originality to the table. I  hear a rumor that David Tennant steals the show and I don't doubt it but it looks like Colin Farrell is going to do a great job as the villain. And I say this as a guy that could care less about Colin Farrell and has been sick of vampires since around 1995.

 

 

(Recommended Hotness) Plus-sized models on the cover of the June issue of VOGUE ITALIA

 

Always ready to up the body image ante, Vogue Italia's June issue celebrates curvy models, with a trio of plus-sized beauties posing for the cover. Tara Lynn, Candice Huffine and Robyn Lawley lean over plates of spaghetti in their lingerie, and inside, Marquita Pring is added to the mix for Steven Meisel's lens. 

The glossy's editor-in-chief Franca Sozzani recently told Women's Wear Daily, "We help [plus-size women] dress fashionably. We say: It's pointless for you to buy leggings, take this because this will look good on you. We help them choose. We don't talk about diets because they don't want to be on a diet, but it's not a ghetto. Why should these women slim down? Many of the women who have a few extra kilos are especially beautiful and also more feminine."

In March, Sozzani launched a petition against pro-anorexia websites. You can read more about that here....

 

click here to read the rest at the Huffington Post even though this link will tell you to click the link that goes to VOGUE's website...

 

Foreplay On The Edge Of Forever part twelve

Price Breaks And Heartaches

A journal of retail and failed romance

Chapter Six

Foreplay On The Edge Of Forever

part twelve

Tallulah and I found excuses to see each other pretty much every night, to Hell with work, to Hell with family commitments and to Hell with taking it slow. We made plans for our weekends, our holidays and our summer. We made love like fugitives, wherever we could find privacy or whenever one of us had a house to ourselves.

Thankfully Tallulah’s family loved to take weekend trips and drag their younger daughter along with them. Tallulah was their older daughter and was always willing to stay behind and take care of the dog, usually citing work as the reason but I think you dear reader suspect the real reason. And if you don’t, let me answer you with the following four words.

Captain Al’s Wild Ride.

*

I will always remember stirring that one Saturday morning, that morning I had woken to see Tallulah had been watching me sleep. Her eyes positively sparkled. We were naked under the covers of her bed. As far as I was concerned this was already shaping up to be a memorable day.

If I only knew how memorable it was going to be.

The previous night we had watched the Headbangers’ Ball and she had learned I was a closet metalhead. Then I learned that she was a closet sci-fi fan and considered reading the DUNE novels to be one of the most important events of her adolescence.

Then the time for conversation had ended and we moved to the bedroom. My lovemaking was still as clumsy as it was sweet but I somehow managed work past my weirding way so I could rock her like a hurricane. Two spent condoms later we had drifted off to sleep.

The only bad point about that night had been the family dog, an elderly poodle named Puff that had gotten into the habit of sneaking into the room so he could stare blankly at us or worse yet steal an article of my clothing to gnaw on.

“Good morning,” she grinned at me.

I grinned back, “It sure is.”

“What do you want for breakfast?”

“You,” I said as I moved closer.

Ah, the energy and virility of nineteen. How I miss it now when I’m in my forties and every other lovemaking session ends in what can only be referred to as a taffy pull.

Once we had finished it was off to the shower, which we shared, giggling at the mischief of it. Then we dressed regretfully and Tallulah made me pancakes. I watched her, my heart brimming over. Nothing else mattered, it was though we were the last people on Earth.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

We exchanged panicked glances. “Who’s that?”

She switched off the stove, “Quick! Go make the bed!”

I blundered from the kitchen table, ran to her room, stumbled over the dog and tipped over the bedside wastebasket.

“Oh Hi Uncle Bill!” I heard her say.

I threw the covers up over the bed, then zipped across the hall and after tripping over the dog again made a show of walking out the bathroom.

“Uncle Bill,” Tallulah gave me a panicked smile, “this is Al... my boyfriend.”

This was the first time she had ever referred to me as her boyfriend but I was too busy marveling at her Uncle Bill’s height and shoulder width to enjoy it.

“Good to meet you,” I said.

Uncle Bill eyed me suspiciously, “You’re here early.”

“Yes... yes I am.”

“Why?”

“I am on my way to work, I thought we could have breakfast together.”

Tallulah said, “Exactly!”

Uncle Bill turned to her, “Your Dad wanted me to check up on you. He was worried.”

We all stood there for a moment looking uncomfortably at each other. Puff walked past us with a friendly, “Furph.”

“Would you like to join us?” Tallulah said.

“Yes, I would,” Uncle Bill replied. We led him to the kitchen. He and I sat down at the table and Tallulah got back to the business of making pancakes.

Funny isn’t it? On one hand my girlfriend and I were consenting adults, on the other hand we were worried about getting grounded for life.

Uncle Bill leaned back in his chair, “Al, I hear you want to be a writer.”

“Yes,” I said, “if I live long enough.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Furph.” Puff called from the parlor.

Tallulah and I made small talk with Uncle Bill over breakfast. I tried not to look guilty or like an idiot but idiot is pretty much my default in situations like this.

Puff’s Furph-ings had become an almost gagging sound. “He better not be barfing on the carpet again,” Tallulah’s voice moved from panic to aggravation.

“I’ll take care of it,” I got up from the table, “my Mom is a dog breeder. I’m an old hand at cleaning up messes. You two keep talking.”

“Thank you!” Tallulah called after me.

In truth I was desperate to get out of there. All through my second helping of pigs in a blanket I had been envisioning Uncle Bill’s meaty hands around my throat. I found Puff in the living room.

“Furph. Furph. Furph!”

I realized in a flash of panic he was choking, I drew closer and suddenly the room began to swirl around me.

“Hey!” Uncle Bill called, “What's wrong in there?”

“Furph. Furph. Furph!”

All the pieces had fallen into place perfectly;

The overturned wastebasket...

The curious dog...

The three used condoms!

“Furph. Furph. Furph!” Puff choked and chewed. He might have looked like a mad dog but I knew that wasn't foam on his lips.

“Al?” Tallulah called, “Is Puff Ok?”

“We better check,” I could hear Uncle Bill standing up.

There was no time and I had no choice. I jammed my hand into the animal's mouth and retrieved the greasy handful of dog drool, latex and baby Brunos.

Uncle Bill's shadow fell across the room, I jammed the sticky mess into my pocket and suppressed a shudder. “What's wrong?” Uncle Bill asked again.

“I'm not sure,” I said trying to sound casual, “but I rubbed his tummy and he's fine now.”

“I guess you do have a way with dogs,” Uncle Bill smiled approvingly.

“Oh look!” Tallulah laughed with delight, “Puff is giving Al kisses!”

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Did you like the first min/MAX storyline?

It was created for a contest being run by Steve Jackson Games to celebrate the anniversary of their card game MUNCHKIN.

 

Well now the voting is open for people to voice their opinion on which entry they liked best. Why not stop over and give our strange little webcomic your support?

 

Thanks! And don't forget to keep circulating the blog!

MAD MAD MAD MAD MOVIES reviews THE BEAST AND THE VIXENS!

 

...we see Bigfoot rising from the underbrush like a zombie from his grave, as drawn-on lightning flashes from a clear blue sky! Luckily he's within striding distance of a nice-looking KOA Kampground, where a headkerchiefed hippie lady has just finished an afternoon rowboat excursion and climbed out onto the bank to shed all her clothes and take a nap. Like you do. Overcome by perfectly natural acquisitive desires, the stealthy manbeast quickly lopes up, snatches the hippie, and spirits her off to his woodland abode. To what dark purpose we can only conjecture and fear!...

 

Click here to read the rest of the Vicar of VHS' thought-provoking article

 

Think you've seen it all? Then you haven't seen THE BRADY BUNCH as a horror film!

DOCTOR WHO the fan-anime

More min/MAX comin' at ya!

click here to read the full size strip

'Human Centipede Anonymous'

Human Centipede Anonymous from Jon Daly

 

 

THE LOCAL HEROES: Infant Terrible

THE LOCAL HEROES

Infant Terrible

by

Al Bruno III

The River City police station had only one interrogation room. A two-way mirror dominated one side of the wide chamber, the other walls were painted a dull shade of blue. There was a table and two chairs in the center of the room. A woman sat in one of the chairs, her clothes were black but her apron was white and covered with unpleasant-looking stains. She scratched idly at her hair net with one of her cuffed hands. Her face was egg-shaped and she wore far too much makeup. Her eyes were cruel and unblinking.

The thick metal door to the interrogation room swung open. The figure that strode up to the bare metal desk wore a purple costume and cowl that hid everything but her long red hair. “Julia Infant,” she began, “the Mad Chef of Schenectady.”

“So they sent you...” Julia Infant's voice was deep, “...the Maven.”

The florescent lights buzzed. The Maven sat down in the empty chair, “What did you expect? Everyone else on my team is busy cleaning up your messes.”

The other woman chuckled, “Yes. I imagine it has been a long night for you, and it the night isn’t over yet.”

Just after sunset River City had gone mad with crime; violent bank robberies, random assaults, and explosive jaywalking. A cloud of mayhem had descended upon River City and that cloud was heavy with the odor of fresh bread.

The Maven knew it was all to distract the police and superheroes from the Mad Chef's real goal. She said, “You failed to steal the Cursed Spoon Of Nephren-Ka and you’re in police custody. It’s over. We just have to deal with the last of your dough-boys.”

“Actually I prefer the term People of Cruller.”

The Maven's cowl hid her entire face but there was no disguising the menace in her voice. She leaned forward, “No puns. Do you hear me? No puns ever.”

“Puns? Is that your weakness? Your soft center?”

This was all the Maven needed, fights, car chases and exploding robots made from pastries she could take but she had no patience for mayhem of a paronomasiac nature. Especially not when one of her team mates had been nearly blinded by toxic frosting. “Where are the hostages?” she said.

“Ah... the hostages. I knew it would come to that.”

Any time the mayor, the chief of police and a visiting celebrity were all kidnapped it was a bad sign. It was an even worse sign when all three men were former superheroes.

“Tell me where they are...” the Maven said, “...and it will go easier on you.”

Julia Infant put her feet on the table and leaned back. “I may be in your little local jail but as long as I have them I’m still in charge.” She laced her cuffed hands behind her head, “And you thought all my little schemes were half-baked.”

The Maven kicked the tabled aside and lifted the Mad Chef up by her apron straps. “I said no puns! They’re the lowest form of humor. Just like you’re the lowest form of life!”

“It must be so much pressure!” the villainess burst into laughter. Then she hit the Maven with all the force of a lunch lady linebacker. “Your teammates are brawlers, wizards and but you! You’re supposed to be the world’s greatest detective.”

“I’m not here to play games with you!” The Maven said as she was driven back into the wall with bruising force.

They retreated to opposite ends of the room. Julia Infant grinned, “See I’m just a small town chef turned criminal but I've given you a meaty dilemma. Now the question is do you have the chops?”

“I said no puns!”

The other woman pulled free of her grip and backed away,“You think you’re Sherlock Holmes in spandex! What of you don’t find them in time?” Julia Infant rubbed her hands together in anticipation, “I want you to give me the Spoon and let me walk out of here. You do that and the hostages go free. You’ll get them all- the mayor, the chief of police and Gordon Ramsey. I’ll hand them to you on a silver platter. If you don't, you're gonna end up with egg on your face.”

The Maven looked the other woman up and down, then she spoke into her two-way wrist communicator, “Captain Hero? They're on the North side of town, in the old metalworks. Be careful, the doors are booby-trapped. Gunpowder bombs with tripwires.”

“...how? ...how could you know?” the Mad Chef's went pale with shock, “this is some kind of trick!”

"There’s fresh asphalt on your shoes,” the Maven righted one of the chairs and offered it, “that told me you were operating on the North side of River City. There are extensive road repairs going on in preparation for the opening of the new international bottle museum. I also noticed an insect bite on your neck. It’s too small to be a mosquito and the wound shows signs of minor skin necrosis. The old metalworks is known to be infested with brown recluse spiders.”

“You... you...” the Mad Chef slowly sat down.

“There’s gunpowder on your apron and a slight cut on the left thumb of your glove. A sure sign you were using piano wire for booby traps”

“...not possible...”

“So you’ve lost your hostages, all your plans have failed and you are going to jail for a long ,long time.” The Maven started to leave but then paused,“As you might say, it’s your just desserts.”

The slamming of the thick metal door muffled Julia Infant's scream of outrage.

FULLY VESTED (a serial novel) chapter one

IN THIS TWILIGHT

Fully Vested

Chapter One

By AL BRUNO III

Two Weeks Before

Sunlight streamed in from the open window, it made Mike Carter have to squint to make out the stranger sitting behind the mahogany desk. The shiny nameplate on the front of that desk read Brian Hayes, and the man studying Mike’s resume was lean with dark neat hair. After five weeks of interviews all the faces had started to look the same. The individual features might change but those cool eyes and well trained plastic smiles never did. The Human Resources director at Mike’s old job had been just like that, he’d worn the same expression for the downsizing that he’d worn for the office Christmas party.

They’re all the same. Mike thought, It doesn’t matter if they’re corporate wonks just passing through or if they’re true believers, they’re all fakes.

Brian Hayes looked up from the resume, “Why the scowl?”

“Oh.” Mike tried to shift his expression, “The sun is in my eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Brian flicked a switch on his desk and the blinds whispered to a close. He grinned, “Neat huh?”

Mike was blinking, waiting for his vision to adjust, “Very.”

“What did we do before technology?” Brian chuckled to himself, “So, Mike, what makes you think that the Trinity Advance Corporation is the next step in your career path?”

Career path? I’m just trying to survive.

“Well, I’ve heard a lot of great things about your company...” Mike began his well-rehearsed spiel.

There were framed butterflies mounted on both walls of the office, Mike tried to gauge his posture and deportment from the translucent reflections he cast on their panes.

The truth was Mike didn’t like what he saw, prematurely gray hair and a sloppy physique. He was in his forties but he looked ten years older. Mike knew he was the kind of person everyone overlooked, from women, to family to employers. How many times had he fought his way to middle management only to find himself let go when it was time to trim the fat? The first few times it happened he had tried to be good humored about it but this was downsizing number five and it was always right before he was about to claw his way out of debt.

I’m washed up. He thought glumly, Washed up at forty-eight. I deserve better than this.

“You like the butterflies?” Brian Hayes asked.

“Oh. Yes. They’re very eye catching,” Mike shrunk in his seat.

Great. Now he thinks I’m not paying attention.

Brian Hayes laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back, “I used to be really into the whole butterfly collecting thing but work rarely leaves me any time for it.”

“That’s too bad,” Mike said, but the truth was he thought butterfly collecting was a creepy-ass hobby.

“Funny isn’t it? We get jobs to make money so we can do what we want in our spare time and then we suddenly find we’ve got no time or energy left because of our jobs,” Brian Hayes smiled, “what are your hobbies Mike?”

“I Don’t have any.”

“Oh, well are you a family man? That’s a career in itself.”

“No wife, no kids.”

Brian Hayes leaned forward, “I see. Than I have to ask, Mike, what are your passions?”

For a moment Mike thought to lie, to say something like Work is my passion. But in the end he just shrugged and said, “I don’t have any.”

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