Monday, March 7, 2011
Is this a portrait of my inner child?
Will you be my mum? Spider monkey rejected by its mother clings to teddy (Article from THE DAILY MAIL)
This baby spider monkey clings on to the back of a stuffed version of herself, looking for familiar love and warmth, having been abandoned by her real mother when she was born.
Keepers at Melbourne Zoo in south-eastern Australia are working around the clock to look after tiny Estela, who was born on January 17.
Without maternal love and guidance, she has not had the opportunity to develop normally and carers, who fear for Estela's life, are even taking turns to sleep next to the fragile two-month-old so that she can be nursed back to strength after been traumatised...
Paper Hearts And A Red Haired Tart part twelve
Price Breaks and Heartaches
A journal of retail and failed romance
Chapter Five
Paper Hearts And A Red Haired Tart
part twelve
My Monday classes were a breeze; history, English, philosophy and then applied dramatics. Algebra and Business Writing were on Tuesday and I was terrible at those; I think it was because they might have had an impact on my finical standing in the future. I went from school to home; then I changed my clothes and headed out to work.
People were starting to notice the Paper Shredder store and business was picking up. The grand opening was scheduled for the first Friday of November; it would be a semi-lavish affair with free balloons, sales, prizes and visits from any Albany politicians that might be available and were not currently under Federal investigation.
A rare thing then and now.
Sunday had sped by, I barely remembered it, the whole day was just a thought free blur. My sister still wasn’t home, she and the man she had run off with were playing house and talking about marriage. My mother and stepfather were trying to lure her back home using a strange cocktail of forgiveness, guilt and outright physical threats.
In my opinion she was awfully young and immature to be even thinking of marriage but I’m sure if the thoughts of a nineteen year old man that didn’t know how to use a washing machine were really what she needed to hear.
The far row of the Paper Shredder’s parking lot was set aside for employees to use. When I got there I found Tallulah waiting for me. I parked my car a respectable distance from hers and approached cautiously. I asked, “Shouldn’t you be working?”
“I’m on break,” she replied. “How have you been?”
“It was a quiet week for me. Friday was definitely the high point.” I smiled.
She smiled back, “Me too.”
For all the wit and weirdness I might display in my writings I always feel uncomfortable when trying to say something serious or important. Still I tried . I began, “You know I’m sorry I lost my head a little that night,” I said. “I should have respected your personal space.”
“It was just unexpected,” her voice was almost a whisper, “but it wasn’t awful.”
I was stunned, “You sound like one of my rejection slips.”
She took a step forward, “Are you busy this weekend?”
“Not really I just…”
That was when Tallulah kissed me, stealing away the breath that held my next words and the next few ones as well. When it was over we were holding each other, oblivious to the brisk fall cold air and the demands of the Paper Shredder’s time clock.
Naturally I had to ruin it by asking, “What brought this on? What about what’s his name?”
“Let’s just take this one day at a time OK?” she said and then we kissed again.
*
Once again I had a girlfriend but I was in competition with another male. What was I? A ‘Not-Quiet Alpha Male’? A distraction or an amusement? All I knew was that I was determined to give Tallulah’s roadie boyfriend a run for his money.
And I swore to do it without playing games or by assuming new levels of intimacy could be bartered away with baubles and dates.
You see, I now knew that love wasn’t something that could be coaxed and wheedled from a woman. It could only happen if she saw into your heart and decided you were the man that could be her strength and her solace, her confidant and companion.
I was going to be the man and the lover I knew I could be. I was going to prove myself to all the people that mocked and derided me.
And by God I was going to get a hand job by Christmas.
The End
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Doctor Who For Comic Relief Promises Amy Pond On Amy Pond Action! (kinda)
“Two episodes. Two mini-episodes. Very, very small episodes – maybe eight minutes in total, so that’s around four minutes each. It’s not a spoof. It’s in the style of the ones that we’ve done for Children In Need, so it’s taken seriously as a proper bit of Doctor Who – funny, but not a sketch. A little miniature story. One’s called ‘Space’ and one’s called ‘Time’, so they’re Space & Time. And there’s a moment with two Amy Ponds in it. If you’re a red-blooded male surely that’s enough! You’ve got Amy Pond flirting with herself...."
The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions): Behind The Panic Room Door
The Nick of Time (and other abrasions)
Al Bruno III
Something had gone wrong and the realization of this fact made Earle Gorsek break out into a cold sweat. He was nineteen years old, handsome and rich, being afraid was a new sensation for him and he didn't like it. Not one bit.
For a full five minutes he sat in his leather recliner looking around the dark room. There was a glass of expensive scotch in his right hand, his grip tightened on the tumbler as he listened and waited. Earle tried to tell himself that it was just a power outage, nothing to worry about. That his father's men had seen to the vengeful stranger.
Then why had the power gone out? It wasn't like he was in the middle of a thunderstorm, and his bills were all paid up. His bills were always paid up.
Once his eyes had fully adjusted to the dark Earle got up and headed for the panic room near the center of his house. With the power out the alarm system people would have already contacted the sheriff's department. Again and again Earle assured himself that if the District Attorney couldn't touch him then neither could some weirdo with a gun fetish.
It was only after he had the panic room door closed behind him that Earle realized he had left his cell phone on the coffee table. Whenever he was in trouble his first instinct was to call his father but he was on his own now. Earle didn't like that one bit either.
With his cell phone out of reach Earle retrieved the pistol he kept in the panic room. As he reached for it he realized he was still holding his glass of scotch. He drained it before setting it down. The pistol was a snub nosed .38. It had been given to him by his father's bodyguard. That was back when the only thing Earle and his friends had been worried about was reprisals from the family of Tommy Dobson.
But the Dobsons had left town, Earle's father had seen to that and they didn't have the money to hire a hit man to do their dirty work. Earle's father had seen to that as well.
Then why was this happening? Why had each of the guys that had been involved in that cold February night turned up dead?
“He ain’t human! He can do magic!”
That was what his drinking buddy Patrick has said before begging Earle and his father for the money for a plane ticket. He wanted out of town, out of the country if he could manage it. Earle’s father was only too glad to hand him a wad of cash, Patrick was spooked and spooked men could talk out of turn.
Patrick never made it to the airport. He had hung himself in his apartment. A suicide, at least that was the story the press was going with.
“The gun’s empty,” a smooth voice said.
Earle screamed and pulled the trigger of the .38 anyway. It clicked impotently. The vengeful stranger stepped closer. He was a black man, in fact, his skin was so dark it was almost purple. He wore his hair in long graying dreadlocks that he kept pulled back from his face with a ribbon. He had an automatic pistol in one hand and a baseball bat slung over one shoulder. His expression was smug and catlike.
“Wait...” Earle said, “Just wait... Seth right? Your name is Seth?”
“Zeth,” the man corrected.
“My Dad’s a very rich man...”
“This was never about money.”
“Then what the fuck is it about?”
“You broke every bone in Tommy Dobson’s body and left him to die by the side of the road,” Zeth said, “that’s what this is about.”
Earle threw the useless gun at him and missed completely, “But you didn’t know him! You’re not even from here!”
“You killed a man.”
“It wasn’t my fault! He hit on me. He gave me...” Earle paused trying to remember the phrasing his lawyer had used, “He made me temporarily insane! I had a gay panic attack!”
“He hit on you so you killed him,” Zeth chuckled mirthlessly, “you went temporarily insane but first you let him buy you a drink and arranged to meet him in the park. Then you got all your friends together and headed out there. Quite the panic eh?”
The sound of his cell phone ringing spurred Earle into action. He threw open the panic room door and ran for the parlor. Was it his father? Or the sheriff? It could be the king of the queers for all Earle cared so long as they helped him, so long as they made-
Zeth fired his pistol, neatly shooting out Earle’s knee. He squealed and fell but he still managed to grab hold of his phone.
“He’s here!” Earle shouted into the cell phone.
The vengeful stranger was approaching, slipping the pistol into his loose jacket and getting the baseball bat ready.
“He’s gonna kill me! Please he’s gonna...” Blood was pooling out from his ruined knee, the pain was worse than anything Earle could have imagined but he forgot it as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. When Zeth was standing over him Earle raised the phone up and said, “...it’s for you...”
Cocking his eyebrow Zeth took the phone and put it to his ear, then he rolled his eyes, “Magwier. I’m busy... No... It’s a personal project.”
Earle started to crawl away but Zeth pinned him in place by jabbing the bat into his blooded leg. Earle started to weep.
“Right... Right... I’ll be there.” Zeth threw the phone aside and turned his attention back to the man at his feet, “Tears Earle? Did tears help Tommy Dobson?”
“What...” Earle Gorsek’s face was all tears and snot, “What are you gonna do to me?”
“Something...” Zeth hefted the bat, “...apropriate.”
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
and now... THE DOGBRELLA!
The Dogbrella is a $30 umbrella for dogs from Hamacher Skeletormaker. It's clear so your dog can see through it and not accidentally stab a cat in the eyes with the umbrella points (even though they want to!). I assume galoshes are sold separately. My dogs hate the rain so it's actually not that bad of an idea...
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty One
Old MacDonald hurt his groin- E -I -E -I -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Twenty
As far as she was concerned politicians talking about Family Values was roughly akin to Eskimos singing about Sweet Home Alabama.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Nineteen
The joy of finding a girlfriend that was into auto-erotic asphyxiation left Karl all choked up.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Eighteen
The geometry teacher always interfered with his students' personal lives forgetting that fools rush in where angles fear to tread.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Seventeen
Abner Deggent frequently remarked that the only person more manly than him was his ex-wife. Then she found out.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Sixteen
Amazing Ed wasn't the first superhero to notice that the more you were the more teams you ended up joining.
5 Second Fiction One Thousand Nine Hundred and Fifteen
A newspaper typo swapped the last letter of Captain Hero's name with a 'P' causing no end of embarrassment and dating problems. about 2 hours ago via web
CHAD'S ORACLES chapter four
IN THIS TWILIGHT
Chad’s Oracles
Chapter Four
By AL BRUNO III
After her Saturday afternoon shift at Burger Clown was over Thelma made her way to the Eagle Ridge Mall and waited. She told her Dad she was going to see a movie and spend a few bucks at the arcade. She wished she could have told him what she was really up to but she didn’t even know where to begin explaining what was going on, she wasn’t sure of she dared.
Sipping a soda, Thelma sat in the food court and watched the ebb and flow of people. There were a few adults but it was mostly wall to wall kids, she saw a few familiar faces but no one said ‘hi’ to her these days unless she said ‘hi’ first. A lot of her classmates were milling about the front entrance, smoking and cursing. Thelma wondered idly what any one of them might be doing if they were in her place.
Since the events of last night Thelma had made three calls to Samantha’s house. She tried twice more today, first in the morning and then again when she was on her lunch break. As always Samantha’s mother was utterly oblivious to her daughter’s whereabouts.
Samantha’s all right. Thelma thought, She probably drank herself sick.
And suddenly there he was. Chad moved through the crowd of teenagers near the front entrance; he was wearing the same clothes he had worn the night she met him. She watched him flash a smile and bum a cigarette from a jock in a varsity jacket. His girls, his ‘harem’, moved around him, each pausing to touch him as they passed; fingertips stroked the back of his neck, an open palm slid across the small of his back and a single fingernail slipped through his uncombed hair. He barely seemed to notice, he was too busy talking.
The girls were dressed to impress, short skirts and skimpy tops, but all of the clothes had a faded, used look to them. Thelma watched the six of them fend off a flurry of unwanted advances from some college-aged boys. Then they went to the Chinese take out kiosk and came back to the food court with a pair of trays heavy with fried rice, eggrolls and soda. Thelma let them get settled at a table before she approached.
The redhead noticed her first, “Hey! Hi Thelma. Come sit down.”
Thelma sat down, “Look Laurie…”
“Bonita. I’m Bonita.”
“Bonita, I think you know my friend Samantha? Samantha Reid. I was supposed to meet her here.”
Bonita grinned toothily, “Oh her. Chad took a liking to her right away, he liked the way her mind worked.”
“But where is she now?” Thelma asked, “I don’t think she came home.”
One of the other girls, the frizzy blond, said, “She didn’t run at the sight of the Squonks. You really hurt their feelings. They cried.”
Thelma shook her head, “Squonks?” Did they mean the monsters she had seen? Squonks sounded like something from a Saturday morning cartoon!
“Oh don’t be a bitch Annie,” Bonita said, “she got taken by surprise that’s all. What did you think the first time you saw them?”
“That’s not the issue.”
The college boys made another run by the girls, trying to chat them up. One of them even gave Thelma a wink but she ignored him and pressed on, “So where is she? Is she back at the house?”
“I think she went home,” Bonita spoke over the boy offering to buy her alcohol. “We said she could sleep over, even set out a sleeping bag for her but she wasn’t there in the morning.”
Thelma said, “I just want to know what happened to her.”
“Last I saw she was hanging out with Chad.”
Annie added, “And the Squonks.”
“She called me. She sounded wasted. Did you guys give her drugs?” Thelma asked.
Bonita explained, “Oh yes. But it’s all organic, all natural and home grown. He calls it Eagoryl.”
“You should totally try it.” One of the other girls chimed in, “Chad still thinks you’d be perfect.”
“I’m not interested in fucking or getting high with Chad. I just want to know…”
Bonita shook her head, “That’s not what Chad’s about. It’s like he can’t or he won’t, like he’s a priest. At least that’s what I think it is. But he gives us so much more than that, he takes care of us, he makes us his Oracles.”
“Eagoryl is just for girls,” Annie said. “Only we can use it. When boys try to… well you’ve seen the Squonks.”
Squonks? Eagoryl? Oracles? This was lunacy, made all the more insane by the fact the conversation was taking place in the food court of the local mall. Thelma said again, “I just want to know where my friend is.”
“You’ll see her once more,” Chad said as he sat down beside her. The college boys cleared out, spooked by his presence. “Right girls?”
Bonita nodded, “In four days you’ll see her. I promise.”
“And then seven days later…” Annie said, “You’ll have tears on your sleeve.”
The frizzy blond continued, “And then a week after that you’re going to be in the hospital.”
Chad shrugged, “Sorry.”
“Was that a threat?” Thelma felt her adrenaline surge but she couldn’t move from her seat. Chad was so close, what would she do if he touched her? “Are you threatening me?”
“No,” Chad said. “I would never. We’re gentle.”
“Yes,” Bonita said. “We’re all gentle.”
Thelma found her legs and stood up.
“Don’t be angry,” Chad’s green eyes were pleading. “Come back to my house, I’ll help you understand.”
Thelma backed away until she was able to duck into the record store. She tried to act casual, nosing through the tapes and records all the while watching the food court and waiting for Chad and his ‘Oracles’ to leave. Were they all crazy? Or were they some kind of a cult like the ones that had decided God wanted them to drink poisoned Kool-Aid? Thelma felt she had to tell someone- her parents, the newspapers, the police, someone.
But if she did that what would it mean to Samantha? How gentle could she expect Chad and his weird friends to be if the Sheriff came knocking on their door? They had promised her she would see Samantha in four days time. Could she trust them to keep that promise?
Do I have a choice? No, I don’t. She thought, I have to wait and make sure she’s OK. Then I’ll tell everyone about what’s going on in that house.
When she looked back at the food court she saw that they had left. Were they heading back home or were they off to see another movie? She decided to wait a little longer. Thelma glanced down at the record bin. She was in the ‘G’ section. She flipped idly through it and found herself staring at a sepia toned album cover depicting a row of figures that ranged from devils to dandies. It was a Genesis album but it wasn’t one she’d ever heard of. All she knew of the group was the stuff they played on the radio like Abacab. She had never cared enough for their music to buy one of their albums.
This album was called A Trick of the Tail, and she scanned idly through the song listings looking for something she might have heard. At track three she stopped dead, a tiny cry escaped from her lips.
Track three was called Squonk.
A free online 'Doctor Who' MMO? Is this nerd heaven?
The sheer amount of cool Doctor Who stuff out there these days just increases my chance of being able to be buried in a Sixth Doctor style jacket.
The BBC has announced that Doctor Who fans are finally getting an online multiplayer game entitledDoctor Who: Worlds in Time, which is being developed by Three Rings. The game will be Flash-based and available for free. BBC and Three Rings are aiming for a launch later this year.
According to the BBC, the game will be designed to encourage cooperative interaction between players, in small and large groups. Challenges and missions will be customized for the size of the groups playing...
