Wednesday, April 7, 2010

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter fifty eight

In The Shadow Of His Nemesis


Chapter Fifty Eight


BY AL BRUNO III




Wednesday, November 27th 1996




“This is the book I was telling you about,” Hao said. She and Warren were alone in the dining room; the plates from their midnight supper had been set aside and they were bent over a thick old book.


“So what exactly are The Kiely Fragments?” Warren asked; when he had asked her to explain to him what a Castellan did he hadn't expected there to be homework. The book itself looked brand new but she told him it was almost a hundred years old.


How awesome can this book be if I’m the first person to read it in a century?


“He was a contemporary of Madame Blavatsky, partly a mystic and partly a celebrity,” Hao was straddling her chair, a distracted smirk on her face, “I think Jack knew her.”


“Who?”


“Madame Blavatsky... you have no idea who I am talking about do you?”


“The name sounds slightly familiar,” Warren leafed through the pages, paying more attention to the occasional illustration than he did to the prose. The artwork was a series of rough-looking ink sketches that depicted things Warren hoped would be explained in the accompanying text. One illustration was of a robed figure with a face that looked like a cow’s skull. Another showed what looked like a series of interlocking gears and pistons, shapes seemed to be moving along the cogs but Warren wasn’t sure if the shapes were small or if the machine was impossibly large. He flipped past that to see something that looked like a Stephen Spielberg style alien but with teeth. And what teeth!


All the better to eat you with my dear...


“Blavatsky...” Warren thought aloud, “I think Lovecraft mentioned her,”


“Who?”


“Ah ha!” Warren said, “Now you know how it feels, and I see a game of strip Trivial Pursuit in our future.”


She shrugged, “Sorry, the only boardgame here is chess.”


“Oh no thanks, I'd be naked in seconds.”


“I like the sound of that.”


Warren stood and started unbuttoning his shirt, “Your wish is my command.”


“Are you crazy? This is the dining room!” Hao looked like she didn’t know if she should blush or laugh. She ended up doing a little of both.


“So?” Warren thew his shirt over her head.


She pulled him back down int his chair, “And you're supposed to be paying attention.”


“Oh I am,” he kissed her mouth. Warren didn’t see what the big deal was, if Laurel House was a home for supernatural refugees then he was sure a lot of freaky stuff had gone on in this dining room. All he wanted was his chance for some.


“You’re supposed to-” Hao snatched one more kiss, “-to be paying attention to the book.”


“What book?”


“Read now, play later,” her expression became all business. She got up so she could light some more candles.


“Ok so this Kriely guy...”


“Thomas Kriely. He claimed that with the right combination of drugs you could experience other realities.”


Warren nodded, “They're called blacklight posters now.”


“He said that he traveled to a world that was was barren save for a beast in yellow robes and the beast told him secrets. When Kriely's mind returned to his body...”


“In other words, when he sobered up.”


She shook a finger at him, “...when his mind returned to his body he found he had filled an entire journal with ancient Aramaic. A language he didn't understand.”


“Then how did he know it was Aramaic?” Warren crossed his arms.


Hao put her hands on his bare shoulders and leaned over him, “Keep this up and you're going to get a spanking.”


“My day keeps getting better and better doesn't it?”


They both laughed at that, Warren pulled her down onto his lap. Hao had to keep swatting his wandering hands away as she spoke, “A lot of the writing in his journal was illegible...”


“Because he was baked when he wrote it.”


“No, because he wrote in blood.”


Warren blanched, “He wrote it in his is own blood?”


She raised an eyebrow, “Did I say it was his blood?”


“Damn.”


She put the book into his good hand, “As you can imagine he died in a madhouse but the journal was passed around for years, a lot of people tried their hands at translating it and these fragments were the best they could come up with.”


Warren read from the page before him, “There are creatures that come from beyond reality. From beyond the realms of time and space. Beware them for their purposes are unfathomable.”


“Keep reading.” Hao stood up and stretched.


“May I ask why?”


“If you're going to be a part of this world...” she batted her eyes slyly, “and of my life then you should know more about it. The Monarchs aren't the only game in town. They're just ascendant.'


Man, she fucks like a dream and she uses ascendant in casual conversation... Warren thought, Could she get any more awesome?


Using his good and his ruined hand he turned the thick volume over so he could read the gold lettering on the spine; Broken Pantheon: A Socio-Archaeological Reexamination of the Kriely Fragments. “Ok I’ll read it, will there be a test later?”


“Oh I’m going to put you through your paces,” Hao gave him his shirt back and then with a mischievous smile began pulled her sweater over her head, “don’t you doubt that for a second my love.”




Click Here To Continue

Monday, April 5, 2010

And now the teaser for the second episode of the new DOCTOR WHO series- THE BEAST BELOW

Trailer for ALIEN VS NINJAS (I'm rooting for the alien)

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Nine

Karl told everyone he was having sex on the beach, no one knew he was letting sea anemones crawl along the underside of his penis.


5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Eight

The entire football team tested negative for steroids, the mascot on the other hand was all shrunken testicles and rage.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Seven

Visits to Grandma's just weren't the same after she gave up canning preserves for cooking meth.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Six

That night Captain Hero and the Maven learned the Crime Countess' dark secret- she was really from Weehawken, New Jersey.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Five

When the corporate discussed 'encouraging a sales culture' everyone knew what they really meant was 'act like a bunch of pricks'.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Four

No one wanted a bible in Choose Your Own Adventure format.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Three

These days superheroes don't wear masks to protect their loved ones, they do it to protect their health insurance.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty Two

Dancing sluts, performing geeks and the deformed can no longer be found in sideshows, now they have programs on basic cable.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty One

Her bosses didn't like her using the internet at work for her personal business, especially since she put on erotic webcam shows.

5 Second Fiction One Thousand One Hundred and Thirty

Agents of the government ordered Amazing Ed to register. He didn't understand why, he wasn't even engaged.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Fries And The Fury part four

Price Breaks and Heartaches

a journal of retail and failed romance

Chapter Two

The Fries And The Fury

part four



It was impossible after an eight hour shift at Empire Burger not to go home feeling greasy and smelling of beef. When I got home from work the family dogs would follow me around until I took a shower. It didn’t take me long to notice something odd, a phenomenon I would wrestle with my entire year at Empire Burger but never come to understand.


After every shift I would find sesame seeds in my underwear.


I can only assure you dear reader that I had nothing to do with them getting there and I can only assume some higher, stranger force put them there so that I might understand my powerlessness.


Of course as you will see, sesame seeds weren’t the only things trying to get into my pants.



*




The doors had been locked, Mr. Prowse was counting down the registers, Cyril was wiping down the counters and putting up the chairs and Rick was hard at work cleaning the fry station. I on one knee counting discarded burgers. I was so busy that I didn’t even realize I was being watched.


“I like your mix tape.” A husky voice said from behind me.


“Oh hi Natalie.” I replied without looking up from counting.


“I really mean it. They way it goes from Olivia Newton John to Metallica to Dean Martin. It really makes you think.”


“Thanks.” I said giving her a smile. Natalie was a sweet natured girl. And Rick hadn’t been lying about her eyesight, she wore a pair of glasses with lenses so thick it made her eyes look like a pair of poorly poached eggs. Still though, she was pretty in her own way, and confident too.


“I have some Doctor Who videos at my place, you should come over. We could order a pizza.”


“Well I have most of the Doctor Who episodes on tape myself.” I said as I went back to counting.


“Still though,” she knelt down beside me. “We should spend some time together. We have a lot of the same interests, role playing games, the works of HP Lovecraft.”


“Yeah that’s true. I never thought of it before.”


“So come on over tonight.”


“It’s gonna be awfully late when we leave tonight. To late to really do anything I would think.”


Now, two decades later I still wake up at night screaming at how utterly clueless I was. I think sometimes that the things I found in my underpants were not sesame seeds at all but my unsown wild oats, desiccated from lack of use.


Her hand found its way to my leg, I was warm and trembling, “I’m sure we could think of something.”


“Oh. Oh!” I fell on my ass into something greasy and organic. As you can imagine I was shocked by how forward she was being and the way she was looking at me with a combination of desire and myopia. “I’m sorry. I mean I’m very flattered but you see there’s someone else…”


“Oh! Oh.” She looked crestfallen, “Well I just thought I’d ask.”


“Well it was very nice of you to ask. I mean no one has ever asked me before. Well I mean there was that Orville guy but maybe I shouldn’t talk about that.”


I watched her walk away from me and shook my head ruefully. It didn’t matter how much Natalie and I might have in common, after all she wasn’t the one, she wasn’t Lilly.


For those of you coming in late Lilly was a girl I had been smitten with since my second trip through ninth grade. We had shared a brief romance during my junior year that had been everything I imagined first love could be like but unfortunately it had ended. That was almost two years ago for me but Lilly was still the girl of my dreams and those dreams frequently involved me rescuing her from pirates and her being very, very grateful.


I had lost touch with her recently but I knew it was just a matter of time before I would take another run at her. All I needed to do was write a few more erotic poems in her honor then get them published.


Over the next few months I almost came to resent Natalie. Who was she to try and tempt me away from my long term goals? How could she not see my heart belonged to another?



*





They made me work on Halloween, my favorite holiday, so I showed up for work dressed as Dracula. Let me tell you folks, your humble author looks damn good in a cape, even now.


The only other person to show up in costume was Natalie and she had shown up dressed like Wonder Woman. I have to give her credit, you could tell she was nervous to be dressed so provocatively but she did her best to vamp it up for me. Sadly however she had decided to forgo her glasses in an attempt to stay true to her character and ended up more often than not vamping up for my reflection in the metal door of the ice machine.






Click Here To Continue


Saturday, April 3, 2010

(Recommended Reads) "The Lady With The Dog" by By Dan Powell

A lady with a bull terrier moved into the repossessed house at the end of the terrace. Each morning Sebastian sat in his chair, just to the side of his front room window, and watched the houses opposite his, their lights flashing on just long enough for the gulping down of cereal and slurping of tea. Banging front doors and the footsteps of working adults and school age children sound-tracked the emptying street, leaving just the very old, the very young and their carers behind...

click here to read the rest

The trailers for SPLICE and HUMAN CENTIPEDE = Science Is Bad!

These come to us via Hey Look Behind you!




(Recommended Reads) "Puck's Surprise" by Ganymeder

Fairies were neither prudish nor temperate by nature, but when Puck's pranks graduated from tipping old ladies to strategically placing whoopee cushions, he crossed a line. Something needed to be done...

click here to read the rest

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and One Through Seven Hundred and Fifty

5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and One


Fuego's conversation about grooming with Amazing Ed became an argument about whether or not excessive nose hair was a superpower.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Two


For Magwier there was no WHEN, there was no SOON; there was only a never ending chaos of NOW and IF.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Four


She tried to shake it like a Polaroid picture but nothing had developed yet...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Five


Captain Hero turned to Amazing Ed, “What the Hell kind of a power is 'Sonic Vision'?”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Six


All the super villains wanted to team up with Laserface- The Man With The Hologram Head because his name was so damn cool.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seven


The waters of the grotto in the Playboy Mansion spawned the first Shoggoth in 10,000 years- and it had herpes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eight


It wasn't that he was a bad comedian, he just needed the vegetables.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Nine


He promised her he would wait for her until she came back; he didn't promise her he would wait alone.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Ten


Christmas was his favorite time of the year to go door to door telling kids there was no Santa Claus.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eleven


She only spoke perfect French when she was orgasming, these days all her husband could do was give her a slight accent.



5 Second Ficton Seven Hundred and Twelve


"Can we play CSI?" my kid asked.


I said "Sure"


And now my keyboard is covered with flour.



5 Second Ficton Seven Hundred and Thirteen


A TV show was created that instilled good feelings and world peace. Since it was on FOX it was canceled immediately.


5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twelve


It was a classic online romance; their emails were elaborate, their tweets were ribald and their webcams were soft focus only.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirteen


It was tradition that Fuego never remove his sacred luchador mask, it made undercover work nearly impossible.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fourteen


The gym teacher could fly, the guidance councilor was an alien and the truant officer was a ninja; super hero academy was tough.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifteen


After repelling one invasion after another Rusty Johnson finally figured out why the aliens kept attacking - they were assholes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Sixteen


12/01/2019 was the day that real light sabers were made available to the buying public. "Begun the Nerd Wars have."



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Seventeen


Erato stopped being a muse in favor of being a crimefighter - no more hours of listening to demo tapes for her!



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Eighteen


Amazing Ed's quest to capture the villain called Sandstorm during a blackout was his darkest and grittiest adventure.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Nineteen


He was a stunt pilot that had been left standing at the altar twice, you could say he had a history of near Mrs.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty


As the network failed Corporate tried to get through to IT but Dave from IT was busy Twitterng about how quiet things were today.


5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty One


“The World Eater is coming,” Captain Hero said. “He's already eaten a planet and it didn't agree with him. This could get messy.”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Two


Struggling to escape the nerhu straitjacket Psychotic Kid realized that Fadman was using CB radios to control his army of Furbies.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Three


For Major Kurthers the worst thing about being in the trenches was Private Jenkins farts; they smelled just like mashed potatoes.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Four


In his struggle to not become the kind of man his father was he ended up as something for worse.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Five


All his siblings and cousins had bowel disorders, it brought a new meaning to the phrase "Runs in the family."



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Six


The low point of Dr. Posideion's career was mistaking the sound of a porn star with laryngitis for the cry of a wounded porpoise.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Seven


Special Agent Krump spent days searching for a cross dressing albino before he realized the sketch artist had it in for him.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Eight


Writing slashfic during his lunch hour didn't get Dave fired, accidentally emailing 'Red Shirts and Pink Parts' to the CEO did.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Twenty Nine


Years ago she had told him he was all that and a bag of chips, now she realized she should have told him to lay off the chips



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty


Like all great men he had a great women behind him- to find him find his keys, his wallet, his glasses...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty One


By the time Ken learned the warranty on his hip replacement didn't cover booty shaking related damage it was far too late...



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Two


There were many bills introduced to outlaw time machines but each one ended with legislator's parents never having met.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Three


Techno-Pimp spent long hours perfecting his iWhore app but it was always one bug or virus after another.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Four


No one ever suspected Mrs. Butterworth's scandalous past as Lady Marmalade.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Five


In retrospect Colin realized he should have mentioned his priapism to the people hiring department store Santas.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Six


They called her 'Lady Napalm' because she had a way of inflaming your privates.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Seven


Many superheroes cheated death but no superhero ever came back after a public beatdown from the Legion Of Evil Ballerinas.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Eight


Mom wrapped the Christmas gifts with the zeal of a pissed off dominatrix.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Thirty Nine


Every year hundreds of teenage werewolves are killed while trying to light their farts.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty


Scientists eventually realized that never ending arguments about global warming significantly increased global warming.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty One


A lifetime ago he broke her heart, a lifetime later he was heartbroken with regrets.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Two


Zack immersed himself in all aspects of social networking until he finally confirmed people just didn't like him.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Three


His friends and his pornography had trained him to expect that part of a woman’s body to be shaved clean, or at least artistically.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Four


A serial killer had left Agent Quinn claustrophobic, Agent Krump's gunfight at Krispy Kreme left him with a fear of sprinkles.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Five


Their 5 year mission at an end the crew of the Starship Persea returned home brimming with tales of adventure and alien parasites.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Six


It wasn't the first time Karl had spent all night buying drinks for women of loose morals and questionable dentistry.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Seven


Enticed by our television transmissions the horny aliens came to Earth only to learn they had been watching all the wrong channels.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Eight


Kid-friendly super hero Mr. Nice Guy's team up with Viking superhero Hrothgar was a storm of bloodshed and hugging and bloodshed.



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Forty Nine


He held the Necromonicon above his head and with a cry of horror told the world, “It's a scrapbook! A scrapbook!”



5 Second Fiction Seven Hundred and Fifty


Mike loudly announced, “I'm going to go tinkle.” and the rest of the biker bar fell silent.


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