Monday, September 7, 2009
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Eight
Captain Hero founded the super team known as the Local Heroes, they fought crime and attended the occasonal mall opening.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Seven
Whenever he ran naked in a thunderstorm it was always the same thing, a quick flash and a huge crack.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Six
Magwier awoke with a gasp and found the satin lined walls of a coffin pressing in around him. “Not again.” he groaned.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Five
There was a fine line between what was erotic and what was weird; Karl spent his life moving the goalposts.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Four
Rebooting an entire starship was a dangerous business but the Persea was light years from the nearest software upgrade.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Three
Time travelers ruined the joy of rare coin collecting for everyone.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty Two
Captain Hero found the big city superheroes intimidating with their actual superpowers, gleaming costumes and armies of lawyers.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty One
'Disposable fingers' The thought woke him up in the middle of the night and kept him awake till dawn.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Fifty
The unmanned deep space mission was really a plot to get rid of all the really sarcastic robots.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Nine
As far as Agent Krump was concerned having your gout inflamed by bad takeout food was an injury in the line of duty.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Eight
At last Captain Hero told Doomsday Girl he loved her, she still thew him down a well but she was blushing when she did it
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I wanna thank you...
My blog now has 21 followers and 50 subscribers.
I am also getting close to 9,000 hits.
I am very flattered that so many people have made my strange and poorly edited corner of the web a regular stop on their travels.
I am grateful and I promise to keep up the good (?) work.
I am also getting close to 9,000 hits.
I am very flattered that so many people have made my strange and poorly edited corner of the web a regular stop on their travels.
I am grateful and I promise to keep up the good (?) work.
Friday, September 4, 2009
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Seven
There are many times when a spit take is appropriate, delivering a eulogy is not one of them.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Six
It took a trip the US for ballerina Wanda Oliszewski to learn that Pole Dancing was very different from a Dancing Pole
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Five
Thirsting for revenge the Reddeath blew up Captain Hero's taxicab, Fuego's apartment and Psychotic Kid's Love Boat memorabilia.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Four
In order to increase employee self -esteem the call center had all headsets designed to look like tiaras.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Three
They made love, his senses reeled, that made it all the worse when her cat rubbed its cold nose across his ass.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty Two
Mario knew that suspenders were just a fat man's way of freeing himself from the tyrrany of a belt.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty One
The Rolling d20s are the only known biker gang comprised of D&D players.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Price Breaks and Heartaches: part fifteen
The story you are looking for has been relocated and retooled.
If you can't find one of your favorite chapters don't worry, it'll be back!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Forty
Captain Eagle of the Galactic Patrol secretly liked breaking wind in his space suit.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Nine
It looked like a massage parlor but it was really a den of sin and depravity, Karl had to go twice just to be sure.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Eight
After years of suppressing her sexual fantasies they call came bubbling to the surface, tragically she was driving at the time.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Seven
Nobody expected the CEO visit to go well, but no one expected the division supervisors to feed him marijuana-laced brownies either
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Six
The villainous Lord Pigman could have revealed Captain Hero's true identity but he knew no one likes a squealer.
In The Shadow Of His Nemesis chapter twenty seven
BY AL BRUNO III
Friday November 15th 1996
Someone's coming. The thought crashed into Isobel's head from nowhere and it was more than a thought, it was a certainty. She had been relaxing before the fireplace with a good book- you could never go wrong with Jane Austen- when it hit her. It made her feel restless, she kept shifting in her seat, the thought was like an itch.
Someone's coming.
Her brother walked into the sitting room with a bewildered look, “Hey sis, are you feeling...”
“...kinda weird?” she finished for him.
Her brother was wearing silk pajamas, a bathrobe and slippers, he usually wore sweats to bed but this was all they Jack had to offer him. Isobel thought it was hilarious; he looked like Hugh Hefner's less assertive brother. Warren said, “I feel like something's going to happen.”
“Yeah...” Isobel set her book down and stood. She was dressed in one of the several sets of jeans and sweaters Hao had given her.
Bodivar came the room, all smiles as usual, “I know that look. I know that look….”
“What’s going on?” she closed the doors to the fireplace and slipped her feet into her shoes. Mansfield Park was left behind on the chair.
“Can't you feel it?” Bodivar turned to go.
They followed him out of the room. “But how are we feeling it?” Warren asked.
Bodivar clapped him on the shoulder, “Do I look like a philosopher to you?”
“No I guess not.”
The vestibule of Laurel House was a high ceilinged room bordered on one side by the main stairwell and on the other by a pair of tall oak doors. It was decorated with tall paintings of rich landscapes in elaborate frames. Everyone was here; Jack, Roxanne, Zeth, Hao, Galen, Sig and Angie. Roxanne gave Isobel a wink, Isobel just waved back. There was something about Roxanne that put her off, it wasn't the woman's size as much as the fact she made Isobel feel like she was being snickered at behind her back. Sometimes when she was wandering the halls she could Roxanne and Jack going at it. They sure didn't seem to need much sleep.
Galen gave Isobel a quiet “Hi,” and started to approach.
“Hi.”
Both of them paused, waiting to see who was going to say more but that was when Jack spoke.
“All right,” he said. “For those of you that have never been here before just know that someone’s almost here. I prefer we have the able bodied men meet the new guest- just in case. Sig, Bodivar, Galen, Zeth and Warren come with me outside.”
“Are you sure I'm able bodied enough?” Warren asked.
“My hero.” Hao gave him a playful shove, “Get out there.”
Warren was indignant, “I am in my pajamas here people…”
The men went outside, leaving the four women behind. “Did we all get that feeling at the same time?” Isobel asked.
“Pretty much.” Hao yawned, her hair was a tousled mess.
Angie looked pale, “I'm still not used to it.”
Isobel stared at the wood of the doors, wishing she could see through them, “Are they safe?”
Roxanne grinned, “Jack can take care of himself and all of us.”
Isobel looked at one of the paintings; it was of a majestic two drop waterfall, “How long has he owned this place?”
At first no one spoke, then Hao said, “He doesn't own Laurel House. He's just been here the longest.”
“Then who does own it?”
“Who knows?”
“I don't understand this place at all.” Isobel turned her attention back to the door, what was taking them so long?
Roxanne's smile was preening, “Aren't mysteries beautiful?”
“I prefer answers myself.” Isobel said.
“How unromantic.”
Ok its official I can't stand her.
The door opened up and seven men walked in with a blast of cold air. The new arrival was short and wore a battered leather jacket, black jeans and a garishly colored stocking cap. Bodivar was chatting away with him, “...I always wanted to know, are the stories I hear about you true?”
“Depends on the stories.” the new arrival pulled off his cap to reveal dark, close cropped hair.
Zeth was grinning a Cheshire grin, “Don’t expect his explanations to make you wonder any less.”
The new arrival nodded, then seemed to notice he was being watched. “Ladies,” He looked over the four of them, like a man scanning a crowd for a familiar face. “I'm Jason Magwier. So nice to see you all.”
Jack said, “Allow me to introduce...”
“Oh I know them.” Magiwer said with a dismissive wave of the hand, “Hao, Roxanne, Angie and Lilly.”
Sig grumbled, “I hate it when he does that.”
“Who the Hell is Lilly?” Isobel asked.
“Lilly and I-” Magwier turned on his heel, “You're not Lilly?”
“No.” She pointed to herself, “I'm Isobel.”
“Isobel...” A confused look crossed his features, “Isobel... are you sure?”
“Yes.” Galen answered for her, “And if you don't believe me you can ask her brother over there.”
“Ah,” Magwier turned his attention back to Isobel's brother, “How could I forget you Warren? It is so good to see you again, and dare I say most unexpected.”
Warren just stared at the man, his jaw hanging open. Hao leaned in to Isobel, “What's wrong with your brother?”
“I don't know.” Isobel said, “The last time I saw that expression on his face was when he was 12 and he accidentally saw his cousin Tess naked.”
Angie snickered at that, Roxanne just nodded knowingly.
Magwier rubbed his hands together, “I'm starving. Anyone else?”
There were some shrugs. Bodivar said, “Everyone to the dining room, the turkey is almost done.”
“Turkey?” Angie asked, “You cooked a turkey?”
“I was bored.” Bodivar tapped himself on the temple, “And perhaps I knew what I knew before I knew it.”
“I'll set the table.” Hao said, “Come on Warren.”
“Sure. I’ll catch up in a second.” Warren said.
Hao gave him a wink, “Don’t keep me waiting.”
Magwier smiled, “This sounds wonderful. I bet I can really kick back and relax here.”
“Indeed.” Zeth nodded and he led Magwier aside, they began to speak quitely.
Roxanne whispered something to Jack and headed upstairs. Jack blushed and said, “I better open up the dining room.”
Everyone scattered to get dressed or ready. Once she was alone with her brother Isobel asked Warren, “What's wrong? You look like you're going to faint.”
Warren leaned back against the tall oak doors of Laurel House, “That guy. That Magwier guy...”
“Yes?”
“He used to be the janitor at my high school. I swear to God.”
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Five
She was caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea... and soon discovered that Satan was surprisingly buoyant.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Four
At 12:15 PM the entire defensive line of the varsity football team began spontaneously lactating.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Three
There was no doubt in Captain Hero's mind that each of these crimes had been inspired by a one hit wonder from the 80's
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty Two
She explained to them that she refused to go to church until they put the jokes back in the bible. It was all downhill from there.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty One
Amazing Ed insisted that he could talk to fish, it was just that the damn fish wouldn't listen.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Thirty
He vowed to leave town tonight before his dreams were pushed aside by the needs of the newborn son he was holding in his arms.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Nine
The albino mutants might have killed the Cheerleaders of the Wasteland if the girls hadn't offered up such great skin care tips.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Eight
The years may not have been kind to her but the people that loved her were and that was more important by far.
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Seven
His years as a washroom attendant had prepared him for a career in tech support. “Please hold.”
5 Second Fiction Three Hundred and Twenty Six
He turned the thermostat up, she turned it down. On and on it went until weather patterns developed in the living room.
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